One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but
losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track
and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with
interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race
horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the
forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet
on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the
priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first. Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a
state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race,
the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've
lost every cent of my savings - all of it!".
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "Son," he said,
"that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference
between a simple blessing and last rites."
* Mood: amused
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Spending Money in the USA
Here is an interesting comment on the current recession in USA:
Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:
'The federal government is sending each of us a $600 Rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend It on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer, it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we Purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US !!!
Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:
'The federal government is sending each of us a $600 Rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend It on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer, it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we Purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US !!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Missile Command
When my son was a baby, he once farted during a nappy change on the kitchen table at a friends' house, hitting me in the arm with a tiny piece of green shit. Clear across the room.
As an occupational hazard of having kids, I've retrieved innumerable brown fish out of the bath when it's the kids bathtime.
TOP TIP: Wet your hands and get a bit of soap on them first. And make sure the lid on the pot is up too, before scooping and throwing. Don't try to drop it in the toilet, it'll slide and leave more shit on your hands.
Also, never leave a turd in the bath, it will dissolve, only to coat every available surface.
As a last one, my wifes' cousin has worked in a succession of old peoples homes. In one place was a guy who used to shit in his hand and pack it behind the radiator in his room. They were always having to get the caretaker to take the radiator off and chisel baked shit off the wall, while the bloke moaned, "it's mine, it's mine."
As an occupational hazard of having kids, I've retrieved innumerable brown fish out of the bath when it's the kids bathtime.
TOP TIP: Wet your hands and get a bit of soap on them first. And make sure the lid on the pot is up too, before scooping and throwing. Don't try to drop it in the toilet, it'll slide and leave more shit on your hands.
Also, never leave a turd in the bath, it will dissolve, only to coat every available surface.
As a last one, my wifes' cousin has worked in a succession of old peoples homes. In one place was a guy who used to shit in his hand and pack it behind the radiator in his room. They were always having to get the caretaker to take the radiator off and chisel baked shit off the wall, while the bloke moaned, "it's mine, it's mine."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)